


You Shouldn't Think What You're Feeling

by SelfRescuingPrincess



Category: Crooked Media RPF
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, LA Era (Crooked Media RPF), M/M, POV Alternating, White House Era (Crooked Media RPF)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-07-20 01:49:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19984063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SelfRescuingPrincess/pseuds/SelfRescuingPrincess
Summary: Once everyone leaves, Dan comes out from behind his desk. “What the fuck was that?” They have only been in the White House for a few months, and Dan is already sick of Tommy’s shit.





	You Shouldn't Think What You're Feeling

**Author's Note:**

> Title from “Lightness” by Death Cab for Cutie  
>  _Oh, instincts are misleading_  
>  _You shouldn't think what you're feeling_  
>  _They don't tell you what you know you should want_
> 
> A massive thanks to my beta [okaystop](https://archiveofourown.org/users/okaystop/pseuds/okaystop) for all of her help, suggestions, comments, and encouragement! Also, thanks must go to [speakingwosound](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sev313/pseuds/speakingwosound) for helping me work through some structural issues- truly invaluable! You are both the absolute best, and without you this wouldn’t be nearly the story it became.
> 
> Please be chill and keep this secret and safe.
> 
> Also you absolutely need to see the incredible art created for this by stassischrodinger: check it out [HERE](https://stassischrodinger.tumblr.com/post/186563164357/you-shouldnt-think-what-youre-feeling-by)

**-2009-**

Dan

Everyone is in the daily communications strategy meeting in Dan’s office and someone has brought up the topic of Twitter again. Dan sighs. “Look, people, we’ve been over this. It’s not a good idea.” Dan can feel Tommy’s eyes bore into him. Dan gives him a hard look. “Tommy, do you have something you want to share with the class?”

“Nope,” he snottily pops the ‘p’. “You’re the boss.” He aggressively clicks his pen.

“Great. If no one else has anything?” Dan looks around the room in a way that does not invite any more suggestions.

The meeting wraps up and everyone starts filing out. He’s still annoyed at Tommy’s petulance though, so he says, “Hey Tommy, you got a second?” He’s impressed with himself that the question came out semi-casual. He sees Tommy stop, set his shoulders, and turn around with an obviously fake smile on his face, his pale eyes sharp.

“Sure thing Dan.”

Once everyone leaves, Dan comes out from behind his desk. “What the fuck was that?” They have only been in the White House for a few months, and Dan is already sick of Tommy’s shit.

“What was what?” Tommy says obstinately.

“You know what I’m talking about. Your attitude. Who pissed in your cornflakes this morning?”

“No one. Nothing. Everything is fine.” Tommy has pink splotches on his cheeks and his arms are crossed over his chest, gray suit jacket pulled taut across his shoulders.

“Look, if you have a problem with anything I’m doing, this passive aggressive bullshit isn’t going to fly.”

“All I’m saying is, if you want to run this White House like it’s in the Dark Ages, that’s your prerogative.”

“I’m trying to protect the President from anything stupid you might say.” Dan knows it’s a bit of a reach to scale all the way up to “protecting the president” when it’s also that he doesn’t want to have to deal with any of the fall-out from an errant tweet that he knows would land on his desk.

“Protect the President? Are you joking? You don’t want to give up control.”

“Well, someone has to make the big decisions around here and it looks like that’s me, not you!” Dan pokes a finger into Tommy’s solid chest.

“Great, you keep living in the past and see how that works out!” Tommy sneers.

He turns on his heel and starts to walk out of Dan’s office, but Dan isn’t done making his point, and he’s going to have the last word on this, goddammit. He grabs Tommy’s bicep, just above the elbow, and pulls him back more forcefully than he intended. Tommy loses his balance and Dan catches him against his chest. “Oh, uh, sorry, I didn’t mean--” Dan looks at Tommy’s face, now inches from his. Tommy’s blue gray eyes are bright with anger and they are both breathing hard from shouting.

Tommy yanks his elbow out of Dan's grip. "Whatever." He walks out of Dan's office slamming the door behind him. Dan is annoyed he lost his train of thought, but Tommy's face was so close, and for a brief flash Dan wanted to kiss him. But that's. No. That's insane. Fuck Tommy and his square jaw and pale skin and blond hair that looks so soft. Fuck. Dan shakes his head to clear it like an etch-a-sketch.

He bursts into Alyssa’s office. “Who exactly does that kid think he is?”

Alyssa is busy typing because she is always busy typing, as she says, “Howard Daniel, I’m going to need you to take this down a notch.” Dan flops into a chair across from Alyssa’s desk. She keeps typing, but glances over at him and asks “What is this about? Do you need an Angry Birds moment?”

“No.” Dan rubs his eyes. “Tommy is just such a pain in the ass.”

“What did he do this time?” She doesn’t stop working. They never stop working.

“Nothing specific.” Dan sighs. “It’s just- he has to have an opinion about everything. He thinks he’s so great because of Iowa but, like, get over yourself. We all got here together. He’s been on one whole national campaign, and all of a sudden he’s a communications expert? Fuck him.”

Alyssa pauses and turns to face Dan, folding her hands on top of her desk. “Here’s the thing. You can’t control everything or everyone.”

Dan rolls his eyes. “I can try.”

Alyssa looks at him pointedly. “It literally never works.”

“I know,” Dan grumbles as he gets up out of the chair.

“Okay, good talk,” Alyssa turns back to her computer. 

Dan walks his pity party of one back across the hall to his office, slightly more calm. He opens Angry Birds on his phone.

Tommy

Tommy barges into the speech writer’s office. “Where does that guy get off? He’s like, not even my direct boss.”

Jon pauses his doodling on the yellow legal pad in front of him to look up at Tommy. “What are you even talking about?”

“Dan!” Tommy is pacing back and forth in front of Jon’s desk.

Jon looks at Tommy with a well-worn look. “Okay?”

Tommy continues without having heard Jon, “I fully understand that he’s ‘communications director’ or whatever, but like, other people can contribute, you know?” Tommy stands in the middle of their office, his hands on his hips.

Jon says, “So, I’m going to keep writing, but feel free to continue whatever this is.” He goes back to his “draft” tracing the outline of the word “hope” and scratching at each letter with his pen.

Lovett chimes in from behind his desk, “Oooh! Do I need to get popcorn for this monologue? Hold on, I think I have a snack somewhere.” He rummages in his drawer, opens a bag of Haribo gummi bears and says, “Okay, I’m ready. Please continue.” He twirls his hand in an “as you were” motion.

Tommy laughs in spite of himself. He flops down on their couch. “Like, I get that he has more experience, and more media contacts, and is higher ranking, and-”

Lovett chews, “Yeah, I can see why you would obsess over him.”

“I’m not obsessing! All I’m saying is, wouldn’t he want some fresh ideas? I mean. Whatever. Fuck him. I have to go back to work.”

Jon gives him a half-hearted wave on his way out.

Dan

On the Metro home Dan can’t stop thinking about Tommy’s face. His ice blue eyes. How his bicep felt under Dan’s grip. The Metro isn’t crowded this late in the evening. Or is it this early at night? Dan is tired, and he sways with the movement of the train car as he holds onto the pole. _Fuck Tommy,_ Dan thinks. He’s just trying to keep a handle on things. _How has Tommy not learned that you have to control the message?_ Fuck. Tommy. Fuck Tommy and his broad shoulders and his strong arms. Fuck, I want to fuck Tommy. _Shit_.

Dan gets off the Metro and is thankful for the gust of cool air.

Tommy

Tommy is walking home from the Metro stop and he keeps replaying the episode in Dan’s office over and over in his head. ‘Dark Ages’ was a stupid thing to say. He should have said something about 'moving past FDR’s Fireside Chats.’ Yeah, that would have been more clever. He files the thought away to use later.

His brain skips forward to Dan grabbing him. It had completely caught him off guard, and he was irritated about it, but also… not. Dan’s hand was large and firm. He had also never noticed that Dan’s eyes were incredibly blue and they were hard to miss when he was that close. Dan was strong, and with a horrifying epiphany, Tommy realized he wouldn’t mind being grabbed like that again. Tommy walks faster.

++++

Dan

It’s a few weeks after the Office Incident, and they are all on Air Force One flying back from a whirlwind tour of California. Dan walks up to Tommy to prep him for his upcoming appearance on CNN. “Hey Tommy, listen, I wanted to remind you to highlight the tax credits for electric cars when you follow up on our speech today.”

“Yeah, dude, I know.” Tommy has to crane his neck to look up at Dan, who is standing in the aisle.

“I’m just double checking you know the talking points.” Dan wants to make sure they capitalize on the success of the event at the electric car plant. He knows it seems like he’s micromanaging, but it’s literally his job, so Tommy can deal with it.

“I know the talking points, Dan. I got it.” Tommy snipes back.

“Look, I’m just checking in. Today was a good day, sue me for wanting to make the most of it.” Dan is trying not to loom over Tommy’s seat, but right at that moment another staffer has to get past Dan, so he has to sort of lean into the side of Tommy’s seat to move out of the way. At least as much as he can back here in the cheap seats. Dan tries not to make it awkward, but when he looks down, Tommy has a pained look on his face and… is Tommy blushing? He steps back as soon as he can and says, “Well, if you need help, let me know. I don’t need you fucking up on national television.”

He turns to walk back up towards the front of the plane, and hears Tommy call out from behind his back “Thanks for the pep talk!”

Dan walks up to his seat next to Alyssa and plops down with a sigh, massaging his temples. It’s been a very long short trip to California, hitting five cities in three days before heading back to the east coast. This feels like the first second Dan’s had a chance to breathe.

“You okay?” Alyssa asks as she adjusts her pashmina, wrapping it around her shoulders.

“Yeah, just...you know.” Dan leans his head back in his seat, trying to let some of the tension seep out of his body, even if he knows he’s unlikely to be successful.

“No, I don’t know.” Alyssa looks at him expectantly.

“It’s. I’m- I’m just trying to do my job. I don’t need a smartass to give me shit about it.”

“What is this about, Dan?” Alyssa asks quietly.

“I offered to review talking points with Tommy for his press appearances tomorrow, and he was all ‘I got it dude’. Well, okay, _dude_ , I was just trying to help!”

“We’re all exhausted.” Alyssa says with a yawn.

“I know.” Dan says. Dan is so very tired. He's been tired for a year and it's not going to get any easier. He doesn't want to fuck up, and he feels the enormity of crafting the President's message and image constantly. He simply wanted to make sure Tommy does a good job. Not that Dan doesn’t think he can- Tommy’s a smart, capable guy. He just wanted to make sure.

“It's too bad he's an asshole, because Tommy _is_ kinda cute." Alyssa is only half awake by now, her head on Dan’s shoulder.

"Yeah," Dan says semi-distracted by his BlackBerry.

Alyssa perks up. "Dan! You think Tommy's cute?!"

"What? No! What?" Dan feels his face flush. "Uh, no. Yeah, no."

Alyssa looks smug. "Tommy and Daaaan sittin' in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G…" she sing-songs at him.

"Shut up and go to sleep." Dan playfully shoves her shoulder as she giggles. They both settle in for the rest of the flight.

Tommy

Tommy watches Dan walk up the aisle towards his seat with the rest of the senior staff. He is definitely not looking at Dan's ass. Five minutes ago, Tommy had been trying to get comfortable so he could maybe try and sleep at least an hour on the way back when Dan walked up to ruin his flight. Now he’s just annoyed.

"What the fuck was that?" It's not like this is Tommy's first rodeo; he’s been doing press for almost a year by now.

Lovett is sitting next to Tommy working on the New York Times crossword puzzle and says with a giggle, "Maybe he thinks you're a really shitty Press Secretary."

"Gee thanks, Lo," Tommy snarks.

"Or maybe he thinks you're a secret Republican mole who has infiltrated the inner circle." He continues to fill in letters in the puzzle. Tommy notices he's using a pen; what a show-off.

"Or _maybe_ he just needs to chill the fuck out. I know how to do my job. I'm not stupid. Like, thanks for assuming I'm an idiot and won't review any information whatsoever before I go on national fucking television. What a fucking dick."

"Well, whatever. Since I wrote most of that speech you can have my notes if you want to study."

"Thanks." Tommy turns off his overhead light and closes his eyes. He does not think about Dan's hip inches from his face as Dan leaned in to let the other person pass behind him. And he absolutely does not think about Dan's thighs which were _right there_. He continues to not think about it.

++++

Dan

Dan is finally getting around to watching Tommy give a run-down of the financial regulation reform legislation on MSNBC earlier this morning.

“I specifically told him to explain Volkler!” He shouts to his empty office. It’s a stupid mistake and Tommy knows better. He throws the remote on the couch and storms out of his office and down to Lower Press to see about this omission.

He walks briskly into where Tommy is sitting at his desk. “VIETOR!” Other assorted press staff see the look on Dan’s face and immediately realize that they have somewhere else to be and other things to do. Tommy spins around in his chair, startled. “I _told_ you to make sure you included Volkler in your explanation! I was very clear!”

“What? What are you talking about?” Tommy is jarred by the non sequitur.

“Jesus, you don’t even know the legislation? Are you serious? You know, restricting banks from making speculative investments? Remember that? It’s a key part of the law and you failed to include it in the precious air-time you had!” Dan is standing with his hands on his hips, suit jacket pushed back.

Finally caught up to what Dan is shouting about, Tommy gets out of his chair and yells back, “They ended the segment 30 seconds earlier than they told me they would. I’m not exactly in charge of their production!”

“That's why you mention it at the top!” Dan takes a step towards Tommy.

Tommy, as Dan knows, is not one to back down from a challenge and so he also steps closer. They are now about a foot apart when Tommy responds, “I was focused on the CFPB. I thought the American people _might_ be more interested in the thing that was going to directly protect them. Excuse me for trying to educate the public on how their government can help them. I’m soooo sorry. I know what Volkler is. Get off my ass!”

“Well, fix it!” And with that Dan turns and walks right into Jon Favreau. “Shit, sorry,” he mumbles on his way back to his office.

Tommy

Jon sits down in a chair next to Tommy’s desk. “What was that all about? I could hear you all the way down the hall.”

Tommy rubs a hand over his face. “I don’t even know! I was sitting here, _working_ , and all of a sudden Dan starts to lay into me because I didn’t get a chance to- I was going to talk about- but like I couldn’t- I’m not the fucking segment producer.” Tommy’s cheeks are pink with frustration, and he knows he isn’t making a ton of sense.

“I don’t know what this is about, but I’m sure he means well.” Jon is infuriating sometimes in his relentless dedication to seeing the best in people.

Tommy feels himself deflate and he sinks back into his chair. “I just wish he trusted me.” He had prepped for two hours before that MSNBC segment. He knew the legislation goals backwards and forwards. He made the decision to start with information about consumers, but he unexpectedly got cut short before he could talk directly about the banks. He wishes Dan could see that part of it. He tries so hard. He wants so badly for Dan to think he does good work.

“I’m sure he trusts you.” Jon reassures him. “Look, he didn’t pull you from the assignment and he didn’t give you busy work. He just blew off some steam.”

“Well, I wish he could blow off some steam somewhere other than in my face.” Tommy rubs the back of his neck. The tension level in his shoulders was not helped by this most recent interaction with Dan.

“Hey, let’s get a drink later. We could both use it.” Jon is always there to pick him up and dust him off, and for that Tommy is grateful.

“Yeah, sure.” Tommy agrees as Jon gets up to leave, “Oh, hey wait- what did you come down here for? Did you need something?”

Jon smiles, “Nah, forget it man, you’ve got your hands full.” Tommy gives Jon a grin as he turns back to his computer to figure out what “fix it” means and how to go about it.

++++

Dan

Word had gotten around the White House that there were drinks to be had, so it ended up being a pretty big crowd of both press people and speech people- almost the whole communications staff. Everyone is at the bar, and Dan is trying to be a good sport and be social. He wasn't going to go, but Alyssa dragged him ("I swear to god Dan, live a little…").

Dan spots Tommy across the bar throwing darts with Jon and Lovett. Tommy looks good, but that's not exactly out of the ordinary. He does look more relaxed, though, so his face is more boyish than usual. Dan sees him laugh at something Lovett says, his face pink, eyes crinkled. Why does Tommy have to be so stupidly hot? It’s fucking distracting. Anyway, Tommy probably hates him; it's not like Dan has been exactly nice to him since they took office, or more specifically since this morning.

Alyssa waves a hand in front of Dan’s face. “Earth to Dan.”

Dan adjusts his focus back to Alyssa. “Sorry. What?”

“Buddy, where were you just now?”

“Uh, I dunno, just um, distracted.” Dan tries to come up with a better explanation, but he swirls the drink in his hand instead.

Alyssa cheekily tilts her chin. “By a cute blonde perhaps?” She gives him a look over the rim of her scotch as she takes a sip.

“Shut up. No.” _Yes_.

Alyssa looks over appraisingly at Tommy. “I mean you could do a lot worse. He’s smart, funny, cute. Kind of bitchy sometimes, but I get the appeal.”

“He’s so infuriating.” Dan grumbles. “Anyway, it’s a moot point.” After a beat, “He would never go for me.”

“Don’t sell yourself short Dan- you could totally get it!” Alyssa elbows him in the ribs for emphasis.

“Ow.” Dan smiles at her. “I appreciate your confidence, but I think screaming in his face this afternoon—irrespective of how cute he may or may not be—probably doesn’t put any points in my favor.”

Tommy

Jon and Tommy are on their second beers and Tommy is finally feeling a little more like a human and less like an over-caffeinated hummingbird. After Dan had reamed him out in his office Tommy spent the afternoon organizing a follow up MSNBC appearance so he can get more coverage on the banking component of the legislation. The earliest he could get on the air was next week, but it was something.

Tommy was acutely aware of Dan on the other side of the room, like he had some kind of Automatic Dan Alert SystemTM. Tommy was trying to be normal, to relax like everyone else. It was just fucking frustrating that Dan thought he was such an idiot, and nothing Tommy did seemed to convince him otherwise.

A couple hours later, the comms crowd is thinning (even though the bar itself is getting busier) and Tommy is leaning loosely against the back wall, top button (only) undone and tie (slightly) loosened. The Bruins are playing so of course Jon and Tommy have been accused of the crime of being from Boston. The conversation has now somehow devolved into whose home state is The Best. It's one of those debates that only happen after a few drinks- it is both incredibly dumb and absolutely vital that you win. Alyssa left an hour ago and Jon and Lovett have gone up to the bar so it’s Dan and Tommy left in the conversation.

“...What would you know, you’re from Delaware, it's barely a state.” Tommy has had enough to drink that he feels less inhibited, and besides, it’s not like he started this conversation. He’s just continuing it.

“The Vice President is from that state.” Dan says defensively. “Jesus, it's not like it's fucking Rhode Island.” Dan has to lean in close to Tommy so he can be heard. Tommy can feel Dan's breath against his ear.

Tommy feels the need to counter and stand up for his state. “Massachusetts-”

Dan leans in and cuts him off, “-is the douchiest state.” The words have an edge to them, but the corner of Dan’s mouth is quirked up as he says it. Tommy’s heart is weirdly beating too fast in chest, but it’s probably because he’s trying to make his point.

“Oh, c’mon, it's not New Jersey! Besides, four presidents are from Massachusetts.”

“Give me a break. Mitt Romney is from Massachusetts.” Dan is very close to Tommy’s face. Tommy is pressed back against the wall, with Dan leaning in close enough Tommy can smell the sweetness of the whiskey Dan has been drinking. Tommy is increasingly aware of how close they are, how Dan's hand is flat against the wall beside his head. Dan’s sleeves are rolled up, and Tommy tries not to focus on Dan’s forearms. He can feel his breath catch, and he sees something complicated cross over Dan's face. Though it could just be a trick of the bar’s dim lighting. Probably.

"Am I interrupting anything?" Lovett asks as he walks back from the bar with a fresh vodka soda. He gives Tommy an exaggerated wink as Dan pulls back.

Dan straightens up from where he was leaning in. “No, no. Just. Um. Advocating for the great state of Delaware.” He looks down at his watch and then his empty glass and says, "I'm, uh. I gotta go. Early start tomorrow.” He nods towards Lovett and walks off. Tommy tries to regulate his breathing.

"What did I miss?" Jon walks up and hands Tommy a beer.

“Nothing.” Tommy says definitively.

Lovett smirks, “Tommy has a thing for Dan.” He squeezes the lime wedge into his drink and licks the juice from his fingers.

“You do? But he always yells at you. Why didn’t you tell me?” Jon looks hurt.

Tommy looks between the two of them, protesting, “Oh my god, I do not have a _thing_ for Dan. I don’t even like him.” He doesn’t like Dan at all. But also, he doesn’t _not_ like him. He is baffled by Dan, that’s for certain. Frustrated. Confusingly wishes he was still pressed against the wall by him. He takes a gulp of his beer.

Lovett asks suggestively, “Reeeally? Not even a little bit of a thing? All that power, it must be intoxicating.”

“Jesus, Lovett, no! Don’t be ridiculous.” Tommy snorts at the outrageousness of the suggestion. Except. The power might be a _little_ intoxicating. He looks imploringly at Jon who just shrugs, the traitor. He retaliates by punching Jon in the shoulder.

“The lady doth protest too much, methinks.” Lovett stirs his drink and takes a sip through the tiny straw, looking up at Tommy through his eyelashes.

Tommy laughs. “The lady doth not.” He wishes he could come up with his own Shakespearean retort, but his brain is slow from the beer and still somewhat occupied by Dan. “Fuck you.”

“Maybe you should fuck Dan instead.” Jon helpfully suggests, now in on the joke. He and Lovett clink drinks as newfound conspirators.

“I mean, it’s obvious. It’s the perfect solution to all your problems,” Lovett concludes.

“You are both truly hilarious and staggeringly incorrect.” Tommy wonders if he really is that obvious.

++++

Dan

The morning comms shop meeting is focused on the latest clean up on aisle Biden. They have been spending the last few weeks trying to contain panic over the H1N1 flu virus, and Biden had to go on the Today show and fuck it all up. Dan has a mountain of admiration for the VP, but sometimes he wishes Uncle Joe would just stop talking. Gibbs was already on top of general press-smoothing duties and will give a “clarifying” statement at the press briefing later today. But they still needed a longer and more specific statement for the public and Dan has a call with the CDC after this meeting.

Dan looks around the room, and he lands on Tommy, the obvious best choice. “Tommy, can you help me draft the statement this afternoon?”

Tommy looks a little surprised. “Are you sure you want me?”

Why wouldn’t Dan want Tommy? He is the brightest, even if he is also the most headstrong. Tommy can be a real dick sometimes, but that’s also what makes him good at his job. He doesn’t get pushed around easily, he has good instincts, and he doesn’t fold under pressure. Dan needs someone like that. To handle the press. “Yeah- let me know when you have some time later.”

Tommy still seems skeptical, but replies, “Uh, sure thing.”

The afternoon got away from both of them and it wasn’t until almost 8:00pm that they were able to find time to meet in Dan’s office. Tommy is the faster typist, so he is sitting at Dan’s computer typing and editing while Dan dictates his thoughts; Dan paces around his office with his hands in his pockets as they brainstorm. It is quiet in the West Wing; most of the staff have gone home by now. Dan likes to turn off the overhead light when he works late to take some of the harshness out of the office, so now there is only the desk lamp and the computer monitor illuminating the room. Everything somehow feels softer.

He appreciates Tommy’s dedication to stay and do the work and, of course, his loyalty to the President. He probably doesn’t tell him that enough. Or, you know, ever. He looks over at Tommy, who is concentrating as he stares at the computer screen. He has a small furrow in his brow, he’s unconsciously biting his lower lip, and the light from the monitor glints off his cheekbones. Alyssa was right. He really is cute.

“Uh, Dan?” Shit, he hopes Tommy didn’t catch him staring.

“Let’s see what we've got.” Dan walks over and, with a hand on the back of the desk chair, leans over Tommy’s shoulder to see what he’s written. It's really good. Tommy has managed to take his stream of consciousness and turn it into a coherent, succinct statement. As he’s reading over the notes, he can’t help but notice how good Tommy smells. Clean, like laundry, but masculine. He leans a little closer, chasing nearness, hoping he isn’t too transparent.

Tommy turns his face towards Dan, and softly asks, "What do you think so far?”

Dan says to the monitor, “I think it’s really good. Maybe just needs a bit of polishing, but that can wait until the morning.” Tommy hasn’t turned his head away, and he is still so close. Dan swallows. “You know, I think we actually make a pretty good team.” He turns to Tommy with a small smile.

Tommy says, “Yeah?” He looks Dan in the eye, but Dan catches his glance down to Dan’s mouth. The air between them feels charged, and Dan can feel his heart pressing against the back of his ribs. He should breathe, maybe.

All Dan would have to do is lean in an inch--

\--and his lips are on Tommy’s.

He pauses in the moment, eyes closed, savoring the warmth of Tommy’s mouth, when—miraculously—Tommy also presses in with just a little extra pressure. Dan slides a hand along Tommy’s jaw and around the back of his neck. His hair really is as soft as it looks.

And that’s when they hear the security guard’s footsteps outside the door, making his usual rounds. Dan’s brain immediately comes back online. What the _fuck_ is he doing? He _works_ with Tommy! Fuck! This is the most unprofessional thing he’s ever done in his life. He abruptly stands up and takes a step backwards. Tommy simultaneously does the same.

“Oh my god, I am so sorry, Tommy, I am so sorry, fuck, I didn’t mean-”

“No, no, no, it’s fine. It’s. It’s fine.” Tommy is rapidly grabbing his suit jacket off the back of the chair and moving towards Dan’s office door. “I’ll. Um. I’ll finish the statement in the morning, yeah?”

Dan stands helplessly behind his desk. “Uh, yeah. Yeah that’s fine. Just, um, send it to me before you distribute it.”

Tommy nods at him as he swiftly closes the office door behind him.

Fuck. _Fuck_. **_FUCK_.**

Tommy

Tommy is sitting at Dan’s desk typing. He was surprised that Dan asked to partner with him to work on this flu statement. Maybe Dan doesn’t think he’s such a fuck up after all? Tommy needs to make sure he does a good job with this assignment, so Dan will finally know he’s smart and committed to the work. He finds he actually likes watching Dan think, watching him pace around his office. It’s a window into how Dan works that most people don’t get to see. Tommy has always known Dan is brilliant, but he's never gotten behind the scenes access to it before. Tommy can practically see the gears turning in Dan’s brain. He wishes he was as smart as Dan.

So when Dan leans over him to read what they have been working on, he finds himself unable to shift to make space. And when Dan leans into him and—holy fuck—kisses him, he's so stunned he freezes. Then, even more surprisingly, he feels himself leaning into the kiss. That is, until Dan pulls back and Tommy realizes what a _colossal_ mistake this is.

Shit. _Shit. **SHIT.**_

Tommy grabs his jacket, mumbles something inane, and gets the fuck out of there.

He races down to Lower Press and sits at his desk and takes five deep breaths. Ten deep breaths.

What just happened? Doesn't Dan hate him? Well, if he didn't hate Tommy before (and the evidence is pretty strong), he must surely hate him now after that unbelievable error in judgement. Fuck he's so stupid. And he had to go and be stupid in front of Dan. Again. Because of course.

After Tommy gets his heart rate under 180bpm, he quickly shifts into damage control. He will just neither confirm nor deny the events of the night in question. The main issue is how long he will have to avoid Dan for this to blow over. A week? Two? However long it takes.

Dan

The next day Dan decides that he will clear the air with Tommy like the actual communications professionals that they are. Dan will tell him it was a mistake and he misread the moment. Except he isn’t sure either of those things are actually true. He desperately needs to talk to Tommy.

Dan keeps trying to pull Tommy aside so he can explain himself, tell him that this is all on Dan, because obviously Tommy is so much hotter than Dan and there is no way any of this is remotely reciprocated, but also because Dan is _terrified_ that he pushed or coerced Tommy into the kiss and he feels like the world’s biggest asshole, and he desperately needs to make sure Tommy is okay. Dan needs to apologize so they can move past it and maybe be a team again. But Tommy won’t meet Dan’s eyes in the morning meeting, and every time Dan looks for him in Lower Press he is on the phone, or has just left, or is on his way to a meeting, or some other bullshit. It’s probably not bullshit, but still.

It’s been three days since The Kiss, and Dan is completely frayed at the edges. Alyssa strides into his office and sits on his couch, a bare foot tucked under her. “What the fuck is up with you, Pheiffer? You’re being all squirrely.”

“Hi Alyssa, I definitely have time to meet with you right now.” He looks at her from behind his desk piled high with briefing books, but she has her No Bullshit Face on. Welp.

“You do have time. I already checked with your secretary and you have 10 minutes. So, I’ll ask you again: what the fuck is up with you?”

There is no use trying to evade her or give her an answer that is anything less than the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. They know each other too well. Dan sighs in resignation. “I kissed Tommy by accident.”

Alyssa sits up. “What? Dan. WHAT? Am I hallucinating? You kissed Tommy? I fucking _knew_ you liked him- Ha! I love being right! Wait- what do you mean by accident? Like, you fell on top of him and your faces somehow smushed together? Was he giving you CPR like he was Wendy Peffercorn?”

Dan slumps back in his chair and rubs his eyes. “No, it wasn’t like that. At least, I hope not. We were working on that stupid H1N1 statement, and it was late, and his face was right there, and- you know what his face looks like, right?”

Alyssa looks at him with kindness, “I do know what his face looks like.”

“And anyway,” Dan continues, “he was looking at me with his blue eyes, and I—I kissed him.”

“So, not by accident.”

Dan exhales. “No, not by accident.” How does she do that?

“Do you want to kiss him again?” She considers him without judgement, her elbow on the arm of the couch, chin in her hand.

“Yes, but I mean, I can’t. We work together. I’m literally his boss. And anyway, it doesn’t look like I’ll ever get the chance, since he won’t talk to me about it.”

“Ahhh, now we get to the problem.”

“I just want to make sure he’s okay and things aren’t weirder than they already are.” 

“I know you do, buddy. It will be okay, I know it.” Alyssa comes around his desk to give him a hug. They are almost the same height when he’s sitting down.

It’s hard to explain, even to his best friend, how incredibly confusing all of this is. Tommy is a) objectively both smart _and_ gorgeous, but b) _works_ for Dan, and c) doesn’t even _like_ Dan, but also d) _kissed Dan back_.

“I have to get to a meeting,” Dan says as he releases Alyssa from their hug. She smiles at him and pads back to her office.

  


**-2019-**

Dan 

Dan is in town for the first round of Democratic debates. There are approximately 416 candidates, and for as much as Dan hates the chaos that creates, he is excited he gets to be in the Crooked offices for several days in a row.

Tommy sits next to Dan’s right, per usual, during the pod as they livestream their responses. Every time Dan gets to be in the studio he is reminded of what it was like to work so closely with Tommy. They never actually talked about what happened that night in Dan’s office, way back when. Tommy was able to evade Dan for long enough that Dan eventually just let it drop. He watched Tommy excel as a press secretary, get promoted to NSC press secretary, leave the White House and start a successful consulting firm with Jon, then start a successful podcasting company. Dan never made a big deal about it, but he always kept an eye on Tommy. He knows he was hard on Tommy, probably harder on him than most, but only because he had the most potential. Tommy would go far, Dan knew it, and he never imagined he would be so lucky as to get to be a part of Tommy’s success after the White House. And now he finds himself here, sitting next to Tommy, discussing politics, watching Tommy be sharp and clever and Dan couldn’t be happier. Or at least, close enough.

After they record the pod, the four of them go out for dinner and drinks. They reminisce about debate prep and campaigns, and they laugh over how they can’t believe they get to do any of this. Eventually Jon goes home to Emily, and Lovett has a Sekiro date with Ronan, so it’s Dan and Tommy left at the table.

Tommy looks at Dan and gestures with his empty pint glass, “Want another?”

“I will if you will.” Dan smiles back.

They sit with their fresh beers and Dan’s not sure if it’s his good mood, the drinks, or the warm southern California air, but goddamn, Tommy looks good. He looks confident and relaxed, like he never was in the White House. His hair is curling a little in the heat, and Dan is suddenly flooded with the memory of his hand on the back of Tommy’s head, his fingers carded through Tommy’s soft blond hair.

“Dan?” Tommy knocks his shoulder into Dan’s.

“Uh, sorry, I uh, zoned out there for a second. What?”

“Nothing, I was just thinking about how crazy it is that you and I are here. Like, the two of us, of all people.”

“What do you mean ‘of all people’?” Dan is honestly curious what Tommy is thinking.

“Well, I mean, like, other than the fact that you totally hated me when we worked together in the White House.” Tommy is intently shredding the cardboard coaster from his beer.

“I- what? No, I didn’t.” Surely Tommy can’t still believe that, not after everything that happened.

“Yes, you did! You screamed at me almost every day.” Tommy is laughing, but Dan hears the sharpness underneath it.

Dan looks down into his glass, takes a breath, and looks back at Tommy. “I know. I’m sorry. That wasn’t my best, but I promise it wasn’t because I hated you. You were smart and good at your job, and I knew you could be _great_. I wanted to push you and I knew you could take it. Though, looking back, I probably should have, um, told you that.”

Tommy looks at him with raised eyebrows, “Uh, yeah, that would have been nice to know.” The coaster is being rendered into smaller and smaller bits.

“Besides, how could you possibly think I hated you after-” Dan abruptly shuts his mouth. He didn’t mean to let that slip. He takes a sip of his beer to recover.

“I thought you had forgotten about that,” Tommy says quietly, his hands still.

Dan laughs. Now seems as good a time as any to finally get all of it out into the open. “No. I definitely didn’t forget. I thought about it pretty much all the time.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I tried, but I could never get you to talk to me!” Maybe he should have tried harder? But after two weeks of Tommy completely icing him, Dan could take a hint, and that was that.

“But I even lived in San Francisco?” Tommy looks genuinely confused.

“I don’t know. It just seemed like water under the, you know, Golden Gate Bridge by then. You would have never gone for me anyway.” Dan takes a gulp of his beer. He shrugs one shoulder as if to say, _it’s fine, don’t worry about it._

“What? Who says I wouldn’t have gone for you?” Tommy sounds affronted.

“Have you looked at yourself? You’re you, and I’m me. It’s not a tough conclusion to draw.” 

“Are you shitting me? I had such a crush on you, but I was one hundred percent convinced you thought I was an absolute idiot and after that, um, evening, I was certain you thought I was not only stupid but also wildly unprofessional.” Tommy has shifted in his chair so he is now fully facing Dan.

Dan has an urge to grab Tommy’s face with both hands and pull him in for a kiss, as if no time has passed at all. He rubs his palms against his thighs instead. “I didn’t think you were unprofessional because of that. But, to be clear, you were pretty bratty to me. You know, generally.” 

“Yeah, well. I didn’t handle my feelings well back then either.” Tommy smirks into his beer.

_Fuck it,_ Dan thinks. All cards on the table. “So, do you- do you think about it now?” He has to know.

Tommy stares at him. It takes all of Dan’s willpower to not look away. The bar is loud around them, but it feels like they are in their own little bubble. Tommy simply nods.

And that’s all Dan needs. He grabs Tommy’s forearm. “C’mon. We’re getting out of here.”

They are quiet in the Lyft back to Dan’s hotel, but Dan still has a firm hand on Tommy’s arm and Tommy is staring at him with a dazed look on his face. His lips are slightly parted and Dan thinks he has never looked hotter. He tugs Tommy out of the car when they reach the hotel and Tommy simply follows behind him wordlessly. In the elevator, Tommy glances down at Dan’s hand around his forearm then looks back at Dan with a mischievous grin. He tries to pull his arm out of Dan’s grasp, but Dan only grips harder, leans into Tommy’s side and whispers into his ear, “Nope.” It’s the first thing either one of them have said to each other since the bar and Tommy actually shivers. _Holy shit._

They get into Dan’s room and Dan shoves Tommy against the wall. He has moved the hand that was on Tommy’s arm up to Tommy’s shoulder, and his other hand is pressing against Tommy’s hip. Tommy is breathing hard and looking intently at Dan, searching Dan’s face, his hands fisted in Dan’s t-shirt. “What is happening?” Tommy breathes.

“I have thought about you every single day since we kissed in my office.”

“Fuck,” Tommy whispers.

Dan kisses Tommy with all the pent-up emotions from _not_ kissing Tommy that he had buried for the past however many years. A full decade of _not_ kissing. He kisses Tommy like he is starving. He kisses Tommy like he needs it to survive. 

Tommy kisses him back with equal ferocity and Dan thinks he might collapse into the floor. Dan pulls back and strokes his hands down Tommy’s arms until he wraps his fingers around Tommy’s wrists and pulls him away from the wall and towards the bed. Tommy walks backwards until he hits the edge of the mattress. He sits on the bed.

Dan kneels on the floor in between Tommy’s knees. “Is this okay?” Dan runs his hands up Tommy’s thighs and around his hips to Tommy’s ass. 

“Fuck, yes.” Tommy responds eagerly.

Dan stands up and looks down at Tommy. “Excellent. Take off your clothes.”

Tommy looks up at Dan, eyeing him impishly through his eyelashes. “Aren’t you going to take off yours?”

Dan caresses Tommy’s cheek softly with the back of his fingers before he flips his hand over and grips Tommy’s jaw. “I will when I’m ready.” Tommy swallows and pulls his shirt over his head.

Once Tommy is naked and laid out across the bed, Dan climbs over him, palming Tommy’s dick. Tommy shudders as his eyes flutter closed. “Oh god, Dan. I. Fuck. I-”

“What? You what?” Dan runs his nose around the edge of Tommy’s ear as he talks softly.

“I- uh, you have no idea how many times I have thought about this.”

“Tell me.” His grip is still firm on Tommy’s dick and he likes watching Tommy try to answer cogently as he struggles with the stimulation. Tommy’s cock is thick and velvety. Dan might die from holding it. Which would honestly be fine.

“Uh- fuck- um, after you kissed me, you know, I thought you thought I was- ah- an unprofessional asshole so I avoided you, but uh, I couldn’t stop- I couldn’t stop…”

Dan thumbs over the slit in Tommy’s dick. “Couldn’t stop what?” Dan lightly kisses Tommy’s cheek.

Tommy slides his foot on the sheets like he doesn’t know it’s moving; his hands are covering his face. “I couldn’t stop replaying it in my head over and over and over....” he trails off.

Dan lets go of Tommy and stands up to get out of his clothes, he’s so hard in his jeans, but the wait has been worth it to watch Tommy. Dan looks at him on the bed, against the white sheets, face flushed, breathing hard and unbearably sexy. Finally unencumbered, Dan gets a small tube of lube from his bag and climbs back on the bed. He pushes Tommy’s legs apart, running his fingers up the inside of Tommy’s thigh.

“I want to fuck you Tommy. Very much. May I?”

Tommy laughs breathlessly. “ _Please_.”

Dan slicks up two of his fingers and presses them against Tommy’s hole, circling around before sliding one in. Tommy arches his back and presses down onto Dan’s fingers. Dan has never been with someone so responsive before, and it makes his blood boil. He could listen to Tommy’s moans forever; fuck he could listen to Tommy just _breathe_ forever. 

“Please- Dan- I need- I, I want-”

“Shhhh, I’ve got you. What do you need, baby?” Dan strokes Tommy's side with his free hand.

“More...I need _more_.”

How can Dan say no to that? He adds another finger, slowly fucking them in and out of Tommy and he practically squirms under Dan as Dan deftly presses against his prostate. Tommy reaches down and grabs his cock which has stated leaking onto his stomach. Dan grabs Tommy’s wrist with his other hand and says, “Not yet, baby, not until I’m inside you.” 

Tommy practically sobs, “Please please please please.”

“Please what? What do you want? Tell me.”

“I want. I. Please. Fuck me, please. I need to feel you.” Tommy is coming unraveled on Dan’s fingers, and it’s all Dan has ever wanted. It’s everything he has ever imagined, with his eyes closed and jerking off to the feeling of Tommy’s lips on his. Sure, he’s dated other people over the years, people who were perfectly nice. But Dan has never wanted perfectly nice. He wants someone with passion, someone with grit. Someone with fight. All things Tommy has in spades.

And now here he is, beautiful and trembling in front of him.

Dan rolls on a condom and presses the head of his dick against Tommy, who promptly wraps his long legs around Dan, pulling him closer and closer. Dan is trying to be careful, but Tommy is insistent. As slowly as Tommy will allow Dan presses all the way in. Tommy feels amazing, so hot and tight, and he’s dragging his fingernails down Dan’s chest leaving a trail of red marks in his wake. Dan hopes the marks will still be there tomorrow. He slides out and back in again and Tommy rocks his hips up to meet Dan. Dan leans down and kisses Tommy deep and slow, pressing into Tommy in every way he can, engulfing Tommy with his body. Tommy slides his mouth down Dan’s throat and Dan tilts his head to give him room. He can feel the edge of Tommy’s teeth scraping down his neck and Dan feels like he might come out of his skin. This is, without question, the best sex of Dan’s life.

He has to see Tommy come, so he reaches down in between them to circle his fingers around Tommy’s fat dick. He feels Tommy’s abdominal muscles ripple underneath him in response. “Do you want to come for me?” he whispers into Tommy’s ear.

Tommy nods, lost for words, as Dan starts moving his hand, rolling his palm around the head of Tommy’s cock, running his fingers up the vein pulsing with heat. 

“Oh, fuck, yes, oh fuck, Dan, Jesus Christ, I’m- I- ah-” and then with a spasm and a “DAN!” Tommy spurts all over his stomach, and Dan almost whites out from the feeling of Tommy coming on his dick. He slides his hand up Tommy’s chest and rests it against Tommy’s throat. Not to choke him, not really, not this time. But a little pressure. A promise. 

He can feel himself about to topple over the cliff and with a grunt he comes- hard- curling up over Tommy, pressing into him as deeply as physically possible. “Fuck,” he exhales, before collapsing onto the exquisite, sweaty mess that is Tommy. 

They lay there for a minute breathing together before Dan gets up to throw away the condom and get a washcloth from the bathroom. He comes back to bed, where Tommy is sprawled, loose-limbed and smiling.

Dan starts to clean Tommy, carefully making sure he doesn’t miss a spot. Tommy looks up at him. “So that was…”

“That was what?” Dan smiles back but can’t help himself, always pushing for an answer.

“Well, I didn’t hate it.” Tommy grins.

Tommy takes the washcloth out of Dan’s hand and drops it on the floor. Dan places his newly empty hand flat on Tommy’s chest so he can feel Tommy’s heart beating. He wants to leave his fingerprints all over Tommy, but this will have to do for now. 

“So, have I persuaded you that I don’t hate you? Or think you're an idiot?”

“I don’t know, I’m not entirely sure. I might need some more convincing.” Tommy’s handsome face is open and smiling, full of affection.

Tommy pulls Dan down into a soft, sweet kiss. Dan lays down next to him, so they are both on their sides, facing each other. Dan can’t believe it took all this time for Tommy to be here with him, but now that he is, Dan is going to do everything he can to make sure Tommy stays. If Tommy needs more convincing, he’ll put out a press release, take out a full page ad in the paper, go on all the morning shows, the Sunday shows, show him polling data (N=1, 100% response rate), write an op-ed, whatever it takes.

“Well, lucky for you I have an entire communications strategy dedicated to making my case.”

**Author's Note:**

> I rarely post, but feel free to say hello on Tumblr: [SelfRescuingPrincess](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/self-rescuing-princess)


End file.
